A week ago I got up and took a run around Downtown Boise. The weekend had been heartbreaking and eye-opening, and I just needed to sweat the whole thing out of my system. I ended up crying because I realized that my run wasn't just a normal 'see you in a few months' run. I was saying good-bye to a dream I didn't realize I was holding on to. I always find myself inspired when I leave Boise, Idaho. I'm not sure if its the change of scenery or the challenge that the city holds for me, but something about it just forces me to think differently.
I just returned from a road trip from Boise to Phoenix with my sister. I saw some of the most beautiful sights in the West. I drove through a few of our beautiful National Forests. My mind wandered through different paths of life. I knew when I returned home that I'd have to start thinking more about the future and less about the now. I couldn't help but think of all the goals I've spoken about and never reached. I suddenly felt unsuccessful. I was standing in the middle of Grand Canyon National Park and I felt unsuccessful. I've allowed my fear to keep me from completing most of those dreams. I've wanted to move to Boise for an entire year and I've had multiple opportunities. I haven't gone because of what people in my life might think. I've wanted to buy a van, rent out my home, and live on the road for a whole year. I haven't done it because I'm afraid of setting myself back in life anymore than I already am. I've thought about shortening the previous idea and just be on the road for three months and I haven't done it because what sane 25 year old just up and quits and drives around in a sedan for three months? Maybe I haven't gone because I'm afraid. Maybe I haven't gone because I've "grown up". Maybe I haven't gone because the universe has other plans for me. What I know is that I'm finalizing the details on what I want out of my life, I've become close with some of the best people in the world, and I'm ready for my life to start being much more positive and full of light. Whatever happens is supposed to happen. Whether it is in Atlanta or Boise - it'll be okay. It's not good-bye. It's good luck.
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I also find myself reviewing things during Mid-Years, End-of-Years, etc. I remember the goals I set for myself and I remember how ..little I've done to complete those goals.
It's July 6th as I'm currently writing this and there are a few things I'm being forced to remember. It's July. I still live in North Georgia. I still haven't completed my Bachelor's. I still live in North Georgia. I'm still working the same job. I'm still sitting at the same dining-room-table-turned-desk in this house. I'm still single. I still don't have a abs. I still crave pasta more than any human being ever should. I still tend to have that extra drink at the bar that I don't need. There's something I didn't notice (and admittedly I don't think I truly do notice it yet) but I've grown so much in the past year. As my little sister has shown me, I've thrived. It's July, and I've applied for different jobs that I know I'm qualified for now. I still own my home and I'm not behind on payments. I'm still succeeding at my job. I've turned my dining room table into a desk because I'm working on school and finding a new job. I'm single which means I can up and move my life at any moment and not have to consider someone else's feelings - but I'm still putting myself out there. I don't have abs because I'm enjoying life with some of the greatest friends I've ever had. I crave pasta, but thats because I'm lucky enough to afford to be able to eat. I have that extra drink not because of self-loathing, but because I'm being safe and because I know what my limit is. I've changed my outlook from negative thinking to positive thinking. I've heard it before - hell I've preached it to my friends before! Now, I'm doing my best to live life that way. I've being living my life on this "timeline" and I know many twenty-somethings are guilty of doing the same thing, but whose timeline are we following? Society? A timeline we gave ourselves because we're comparing one another? Your best friends? Your parents? There is no timeline on when things have to get done by for life. If you're getting up every single day and doing something that makes you happy and makes your heart shine - then you're succeeding. I need to hear it. You're doing great, sweetie. A year ago I decided to quit my corporate job because I figured out that I could complete my bachelor's degree faster AND because I was so unhappy. (Disclaimer: I didn't hate the company I worked for. I just felt I was too smart and had better talents than my actual job required.)
Here's some real facts:
I think that's all for now. Those are some of my most sensitive facts. I'm not happy that I don't have a Bachelor's yet. I actually feel kinda like a loser. I really probably should just find a new job - or actually take the leap and just move to Boise. I always thrive when I'm forced to. Here's some things I actually want to accomplish this year:
The last one hits me hard. I keep saying how I'm gonna move. Originally when I decided - the date was February 1st and then life just happened. I chickened out. I made new friends. I didn't plan correctly. Follow every little passion so that I can slowly figure out what the f*ck I want to do. Okay look, I have a feeling I'm supposed to be doing something important. I've got talents with the corporate world - but I don't want to work in the corporate world. I want to work with teens/kids, but I also could succeed by doing something with health and fitness (like being a personal trainer). I want a flexible schedule - or at least one I'm happy with. Basically, if I could mix my corporate job's benefits with camp - I'd be set. But hey, what a thought. Maybe I just need to HAVE a job. Something that I HAVE to get up for every single day. Like I had to be at camp every day - there was no calling out, but I dread going to my part-time job (not the restaurant but that too...). My mind's all over the place. It's 2018. I'm turning 25. I keep saying that I'll figure it out, but maybe it's time for me to actually figure it out. Welcome to 2018. Sink or Swim. It's been almost 4 months. Did I take the job? Did I make the leap and move to Boise?
I'm currently sitting at the Boise Airport waiting for my flight to Vegas (and then continuing on to Atlanta) to begin boarding. I'm sitting at a restaurant called Cross Grain and sipping on my second mimosa of the morning. My two carry on's are bigger than allowed and stuffed to the brim. I didn't take the job. I backed out before it was offered. It wasn't the right decision for the time. It wasn't worth the money for something that had no end. Do I regret it? A lot of the time, but I ended up spending my summer at another summer camp back home and I had a wonderful time. I bonded with people whom I didn't expect to bond with and I honestly believe those people are the people I'll be friends with until I'm old and grey. Why am I in Boise now then? I booked a flight back here in May and I didn't really plan it (who is truly surprised?). I ended up spending time with someone who will always be apart of my family. I explored the city with them and I explored their camp as well. I fell in love with Boise and the surrounding areas all over again, but not as much as I fell back in love in general. My passion has been relit and I'm not 100% what it is. I'm switching out of my bachelor's degree program and getting my Associate's. None of this is apart of my master plan, but is anything that is worth ever really planned well? I know what I want. I know who I want. I'm going to get it. I'm not going to give up. I do miss being a kid. No responsibilities, no bills, no job - but I really do enjoy being an adult. You can hop on a plane at any time and go almost anywhere (if you've got the cash), you can live not at your parents house, you usually have your own money that you can spend on either frozen pizza and beer or a nice night out with friends.
I personally enjoy the hopping on a plane and going anywhere concept. Like tomorrow morning, I'm hopping on a plane (with a few layovers) but landing in Boise, Idaho by mid-afternoon. My original goal was to spend a day or two there and drive over to Oregon to see some family and drive back for a few more days in Boise. And included in those "few more days" would be an interview for a summer job. If you asked me two weeks ago when I got the interview I was overjoyed. I love Idaho. It's beautiful, the downtown area is awesome, and the people are wonderful. I booked a one-way flight, rented a car, and booked a car. Flash forward and my practicality has kicked in. The job is 4 days a week for about 5.5 hours a day. I could probably work out another part-time job either at the location I'm interviewing at or at a restaurant. But who would really rent to me? I'd make ~$1,000 (before taxes) in the entire 6 weeks I would be there. Now, I've got enough cashed saved that I could probably just get a co-signer on an apartment and pay for it out of pocket - but that's a lot of dough for a short-term lease of 3 months. It would cost me almost double that in rent! Not including food, utilities, activities, my home and bills here, etc. Boom, in comes the summer camp job here. It's a completely different job, more administrative, but it's at the old summer camp I used to work at. I'm thinking the hours would be 30-40 per week and I'm guessing the pay would be minimum wage. That'd put me between $1700-2300 (before taxes) for the 8 weeks I'd work there. I already pay to live in this house so I wouldn't be spending anything more than I would be in Idaho. I'd actually be able to pocket some of that cash! What a concept! Have you ever felt stuck somewhere? Ever felt like your purpose belongs somewhere else? Yeah, same here pal. Comment below so we can be friends. Here's the dilemma. I want Idaho. I want to see those beautiful mountains. I want to eat the food and I want more than anything to get to know the culture, the people. The whole point of this "FUNemployment" was to follow my heart (and yes, Dad, finish school - May 2018!) and stop being this practical person who hid in her room dreaming of the world outside. The dilemma has already been answered, and I'm sure you can figure out what I'm leaning towards. I interview today for the job here, and on May 19th for the job there. Stay tuned because I'm sure it'll be a bumpy ride. On January 31, 2017, I left behind my work laptop, all my notes, my log ins, my phone, etc. and I walked away from my corporate job with one goal in mind: to figure out what the hell I wanted to do with my life.
I have to finish school. I want to travel. I have bigger dreams than sitting behind a desk - don't get me wrong, I loved the company I worked for, but it wasn't fulfilling. I've watched too many people in my life work jobs they hated just because they felt that "it was the right thing to be doing" and honestly - why? Why is sitting behind a desk the "right thing to do" when your passion is owning your own business/restaurant/boutique? Who says? It is how we were raised. Go to college, get your degree, get a job, save money, retire and do whatever you want. Yeah, not a bad plan but it isn't for me. So, I decided to quit, and return to school full-time (because yes, college is important to me). So far, I haven't done as much as I had originally planned. I failed the NASM exam the first time I took it because I crammed more than I actually studied for the test. I haven't traveled as much. I did attend St. Patty's Day in Savannah, Georgia with my friends and I did drive one of my oldest friends out to Boise, Idaho so that they could follow their dream (and you can see that here) Now I'm going to travel with the wind (no I'm not) while attending school full-time and working on becoming a certified personal trainer. It's a basic plan, and for the past 3 months it has been pretty hard to actually keep up with that plan. Now is my time. Two weeks until classes start for the summer semester. Three weeks until I leave for my West Coast road trip. Let the FUNemployment begin. |
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